Tax Time
Fehhhhh-family,
It most certainly is my turn to post. So although it's midnight on Monday night, I will still do my duty as member of Team Lee-ogchop. Speaking of which, the brainstorming phase of the new logo is over. I will have a first draft to Aaron for our website very soon.
Like I said, this story is called Tax Time.
----
What do you put on your W-2?
It's an interesting question you have to ask yourself every time you do your taxes. This year, I get to write 'Editor' for the first time. It feels good not to write 'Student/Waiter'. Much better ring to the former, I do declare.
It makes you think about what it is you're doing for a living. For some people, it's a realization that they aren't doing what they want to do. For others, an affirmation. The latest version of Donald Trump's Wife must giggle each year when she writes 'Husband-Humper' or 'Keeper of the Dick' on her return.
But I digress. I wanted to let you know about a certain group of individuals that must laminate their tax forms each time they do them, just so the tears don't make the ink run. As they work outside my office, I observe them everyday. Here's what a person in this group's day is like:
Person A: (yawn) wooeeee, I am tired. Sure was a long night of beating myself with a hammer. Well, guess I better get out of bed and get to the office.
Person A hops out of bed, does NOT shower or do anything even remotely hygenic, and proceeds to don what looks like a life-size Elmo costume that some giant used to wipe his ass. As if this costume couldn't get worse, he cinches his Elmo torso with a fanny pack. Because god knows Elmo needs to have his Blockbuster card.
(fade to black)
---
From here, I don't know how they get to Grohman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. These people CANNOT afford cars, nor should they be licensed, so I just don't get it. Nevertheless, they somehow get from their apartments (RVs) to Grohman's. Then they loiter about as people invariably come to take pictures of cement, which still astounds me. Then this complete waste of carbon leans into people's pictures for tips. As if I wanted a memento of the time I met Elmo after he found crack. Actually, sometimes people want to take their picture. Most of the time these guys just bug the shit out of somebody until they start leaking one dollar bills. So far I've seen Elmo, Catwoman, the female Shrek, Legolas from Lord of the Rings, Hellraiser, a midget dressed as Chucky, and damned if there aren't at least two batmen, supermen, or spidermen on any given day. Once, the spidermen got in a scuffle over whose territory was who's. We had our own little Discovery Channel reenactment, right there between the hobos on Hollywood Blvd.
Anyways, that's what these people do for a living. They come back all the time, sometime taking the day off to fit their mouth for a shotgun. So the next time you fill out your taxes, just think of the 70 year old lady I saw today dressed as the saddest damned Charlie Chaplain anyone has ever seen. Yes, we all work hard. But this year when you write down your job title, get down on your knees and thank God that you don't write what these people write:
'Actor'
ZL
032205
It most certainly is my turn to post. So although it's midnight on Monday night, I will still do my duty as member of Team Lee-ogchop. Speaking of which, the brainstorming phase of the new logo is over. I will have a first draft to Aaron for our website very soon.
Like I said, this story is called Tax Time.
----
What do you put on your W-2?
It's an interesting question you have to ask yourself every time you do your taxes. This year, I get to write 'Editor' for the first time. It feels good not to write 'Student/Waiter'. Much better ring to the former, I do declare.
It makes you think about what it is you're doing for a living. For some people, it's a realization that they aren't doing what they want to do. For others, an affirmation. The latest version of Donald Trump's Wife must giggle each year when she writes 'Husband-Humper' or 'Keeper of the Dick' on her return.
But I digress. I wanted to let you know about a certain group of individuals that must laminate their tax forms each time they do them, just so the tears don't make the ink run. As they work outside my office, I observe them everyday. Here's what a person in this group's day is like:
Person A: (yawn) wooeeee, I am tired. Sure was a long night of beating myself with a hammer. Well, guess I better get out of bed and get to the office.
Person A hops out of bed, does NOT shower or do anything even remotely hygenic, and proceeds to don what looks like a life-size Elmo costume that some giant used to wipe his ass. As if this costume couldn't get worse, he cinches his Elmo torso with a fanny pack. Because god knows Elmo needs to have his Blockbuster card.
(fade to black)
---
From here, I don't know how they get to Grohman's Chinese Theatre in Hollywood. These people CANNOT afford cars, nor should they be licensed, so I just don't get it. Nevertheless, they somehow get from their apartments (RVs) to Grohman's. Then they loiter about as people invariably come to take pictures of cement, which still astounds me. Then this complete waste of carbon leans into people's pictures for tips. As if I wanted a memento of the time I met Elmo after he found crack. Actually, sometimes people want to take their picture. Most of the time these guys just bug the shit out of somebody until they start leaking one dollar bills. So far I've seen Elmo, Catwoman, the female Shrek, Legolas from Lord of the Rings, Hellraiser, a midget dressed as Chucky, and damned if there aren't at least two batmen, supermen, or spidermen on any given day. Once, the spidermen got in a scuffle over whose territory was who's. We had our own little Discovery Channel reenactment, right there between the hobos on Hollywood Blvd.
Anyways, that's what these people do for a living. They come back all the time, sometime taking the day off to fit their mouth for a shotgun. So the next time you fill out your taxes, just think of the 70 year old lady I saw today dressed as the saddest damned Charlie Chaplain anyone has ever seen. Yes, we all work hard. But this year when you write down your job title, get down on your knees and thank God that you don't write what these people write:
'Actor'
ZL
032205
posted by Z at 12:03 AM
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