Alley Cats
It's as if Teddy was right by my side curled up behind me in a chair, with one eye open, as I write my ten page term paper due today...and maybe he got up and walked over to the back door to my porch and sprawled out on the porch floor, right at the doorway so no one can get in unless he deems them first (one scratch of leg will do it). Okay, so I know T-man has taken a graceful exit out, but I sware he has done something to my alley cats.
Yes, in case you don't all know I have a family of about five alley cats that live under my back porch stairs. I must admitt this is the second family of alley cats to live here.
You see the first group of alley cats I tried to rescue, well actually the whole building tried to "rescue". One morning I was awakened by the cat "alarm cry" coming from outside. As I fussed and fumbled to get outside I saw a big butch lesbian (It is boys town. Of course the animal rescue team is gay!) trying to lure my alley cats into a box with turkey. How dumb?
I come down the stairs and proclaim, "What are you doing? These cats are fine here!" Supposedly there had been complaints made by other neighbors, and the cats MUST leave. She goes on to say that she has gotten all the cats except one little guy. I leaned over to look inside the tiny whole under the stairs and there staring back at me are those two tiny emerald green eyes that you can see if you at the right angle. I click my tongue, give a few meu's, and out comes the little black kitty I've been feeding for the past three weeks. He leaps into my arms, but the big butch animal rescuer tugs at my shirt to get him off.
"No. He's fine. I'll keep him. " I say to her. After debates and discussions with this lady I get my cat.
It's great! I come home from work and there he is. I go to eat, come back, and hey there's a my little dude awaiting my return. Until...
One day I came home to find my apartment destroyed! There is piss all of the couch, shit on the floor, there is a bag of bread all scrunched and torn all over the apartment, the flower pots are knocked over, and there is no cat in sight. Where could he be?
Days later I find out that the kitchen window was open the night that my cat dissapeared. So I go over to the window and open it only to find that the screen is missing. I look down, two stories, and see my screen laying on the pavement beneath my winodw. Now that is just odd...my cat is missing, the screen is gone, and my apartment was a mess. Okay, so from years of playing that board game "Clue" I put together the pieces of this mystery. Well everything but the missing cat.
That night my neighbor that lives underneath me came a knocking. She was a bit nervous and said she had some news..."You're missing your cat, right?" She says. "Well...he's, umm under the stairs."
Yureeka!!! My cat! I rush down the stairs, look under the stairs, look by the maintenance room...but "where?" I ask.
To save the details of the groosem discovery. Let's just say my cat jumped out my kitchen window, and crawled under my neighbors porch. Yup, my cat comitted suicide. Do you know that one in every eight cats comitt suicide. And now, no one will let me nor my roommate(who was home the night it happened, hmmm) live down our cat jumping out the kitchen window. So we just have a gold fish now.
Okay, now there is another family of alley cats living under the stairs. None of the neighbors fuck with these cats, infact everyone puts their garbage out on the porch for them, or maybe that's just cause its too fucking cold outside to put the garbage in the dumpster. These cats really keep to themselves, much more than the first group. However, as soon as Teddy was announced to have gracefully taken an exit, these alley cats have been going NUTS!
This morning I was awakened by the "roar" of battle cats. You know the sound, a bit like a cry but not sad, a little of a whine but not girly, and at times it's a long roar that fluctuates in octives. So I get up and go outside, and all the cats scramble. Cool. It's quiet.
I sit to write this term paper and I see little black shadows running back and forth from my window . I hear the "roars" begin to start. They yelp and cry until I just can't take it anymore.
This is just one of those weird things that animals do, right? I can't understand them so maybe they'll understand this when I get up and yell, "What? What the fuck do you want?" And as all the little kittens scurry away there is this little black kitty sitting so prominently on my porch. liking his paw. Weird?
So maybe it's Teddy or maybe it's the little kitty from before, but whatever it is it diserves a log chop!
***For the record I still will never do a physical log chop. However, I agree with the idea and will write and/or speak of them.****
Yes, in case you don't all know I have a family of about five alley cats that live under my back porch stairs. I must admitt this is the second family of alley cats to live here.
You see the first group of alley cats I tried to rescue, well actually the whole building tried to "rescue". One morning I was awakened by the cat "alarm cry" coming from outside. As I fussed and fumbled to get outside I saw a big butch lesbian (It is boys town. Of course the animal rescue team is gay!) trying to lure my alley cats into a box with turkey. How dumb?
I come down the stairs and proclaim, "What are you doing? These cats are fine here!" Supposedly there had been complaints made by other neighbors, and the cats MUST leave. She goes on to say that she has gotten all the cats except one little guy. I leaned over to look inside the tiny whole under the stairs and there staring back at me are those two tiny emerald green eyes that you can see if you at the right angle. I click my tongue, give a few meu's, and out comes the little black kitty I've been feeding for the past three weeks. He leaps into my arms, but the big butch animal rescuer tugs at my shirt to get him off.
"No. He's fine. I'll keep him. " I say to her. After debates and discussions with this lady I get my cat.
It's great! I come home from work and there he is. I go to eat, come back, and hey there's a my little dude awaiting my return. Until...
One day I came home to find my apartment destroyed! There is piss all of the couch, shit on the floor, there is a bag of bread all scrunched and torn all over the apartment, the flower pots are knocked over, and there is no cat in sight. Where could he be?
Days later I find out that the kitchen window was open the night that my cat dissapeared. So I go over to the window and open it only to find that the screen is missing. I look down, two stories, and see my screen laying on the pavement beneath my winodw. Now that is just odd...my cat is missing, the screen is gone, and my apartment was a mess. Okay, so from years of playing that board game "Clue" I put together the pieces of this mystery. Well everything but the missing cat.
That night my neighbor that lives underneath me came a knocking. She was a bit nervous and said she had some news..."You're missing your cat, right?" She says. "Well...he's, umm under the stairs."
Yureeka!!! My cat! I rush down the stairs, look under the stairs, look by the maintenance room...but "where?" I ask.
To save the details of the groosem discovery. Let's just say my cat jumped out my kitchen window, and crawled under my neighbors porch. Yup, my cat comitted suicide. Do you know that one in every eight cats comitt suicide. And now, no one will let me nor my roommate(who was home the night it happened, hmmm) live down our cat jumping out the kitchen window. So we just have a gold fish now.
Okay, now there is another family of alley cats living under the stairs. None of the neighbors fuck with these cats, infact everyone puts their garbage out on the porch for them, or maybe that's just cause its too fucking cold outside to put the garbage in the dumpster. These cats really keep to themselves, much more than the first group. However, as soon as Teddy was announced to have gracefully taken an exit, these alley cats have been going NUTS!
This morning I was awakened by the "roar" of battle cats. You know the sound, a bit like a cry but not sad, a little of a whine but not girly, and at times it's a long roar that fluctuates in octives. So I get up and go outside, and all the cats scramble. Cool. It's quiet.
I sit to write this term paper and I see little black shadows running back and forth from my window . I hear the "roars" begin to start. They yelp and cry until I just can't take it anymore.
This is just one of those weird things that animals do, right? I can't understand them so maybe they'll understand this when I get up and yell, "What? What the fuck do you want?" And as all the little kittens scurry away there is this little black kitty sitting so prominently on my porch. liking his paw. Weird?
So maybe it's Teddy or maybe it's the little kitty from before, but whatever it is it diserves a log chop!
***For the record I still will never do a physical log chop. However, I agree with the idea and will write and/or speak of them.****
posted by Anonymous at 7:52 AM
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